


News Report

by WM_WM_WM



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Humor, Humorous Ending, Inappropriate Humor, Well-Written Shitpost, inappropriate language, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:03:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21851128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WM_WM_WM/pseuds/WM_WM_WM
Summary: It's Charlie's time to shine! She tells the the news broadcast about the Hotel. To her disappointment, it seems like they're not listening. So, she tries a different method.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	News Report

"And, so," Charlie mumbled, sinking down into the news anchors' chair, "That's the Happy Hotel... Um, yeah."

Her resolve melted under the harsh television lights. The demons' critical stares turned her courage into goo. Tears pricking her eyes, she stared longingly at Vaggie, who held a hopeful smile. This sparked a new flame in her heart.

Katie Killjoy commented, "Well, that was horrible! This has been-"

"Hold on," interrupted Charlie, straightening her back. "Maybe I'm not getting your attention. And I know what will!"

Razzle and Dazzle put their hooves on a nearby piano, but she waved them off. Vaggie breathed a sigh of relief. Sulking, they slipped from the room, giving their princess sad, puppy-dog eyes. She gave them a sympathetic smile, as she clambered onto the table.

"Hey! You almost stood in my coffee!" Killjoy whined, but the princess ignored her.

She cleared her throat. "Ahem," she boomed in a deep, male voice.

All demons in the room stared at her with confusion on their faces.

"Cock and ball torture; from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, at en-dot-wikipedia-dot-org."

Instantaneously, the room was filled with a variety of emotion. Katie Killjoy looked suicidally at her coffee, while Tom Trench banged on the desk in laughter.

Vaggie thought, "I wish she sung."

Charlie continued, voice louder than the shrieks of laughter, "Cock and ball torture, Cee-bee-tee, is a sexual activity, involving torture of the male genitals. This maybe involve directly painful activities, such as-"

Charlie cut herself off, as she realized this was a horrible idea. Demons laughed until tears poured out of their eyes. They shoved and slapped each other, knocking into everything. Papers flew into the air; chairs were tossed, making loud clanging noises on whatever or whoever it hit. It was total chaos.

Katie Killjoy silently stood up. Her face was encrusted with rage. Her eyes slowly bored into Charlie's.

"Somehow," she rasped, crazed smile creeping up her cheeks, "You made your horrible segment worse."

Killjoy, bones popping loudly, stretched her neck towards the princess. She slithered into her personal space, face dangerously close with hers.

"You made it worse!" she screamed.

"Worse, or better?"

Silence, like a heavy, uncomfortable blanket, laid across the room. Demons in the middle of whatever the hell they were doing stopped, as if frozen in time.

"Did... Did you just steal a joke from Invader Zim?"

Sweat poured down Charlie's head.

"Maybe."

With a screech of rage, Katie Killjoy socked her in the jaw. The two began a flurry of scratches and punches and some kicks sprinkled in, aimed at each other. Demons cheered, as they got to see it all live!

Vaggie and Charlie slunk out of the newsroom. Tense air was shared between them.

The latino-yet-grey demon cooed, "Charlie, why... Just- Why?"

"The voices told me to."

Suddenly, Alastor teleported behind them! The girlfriends whipped around, fear in their eyes.

"You thought it was the voices in your head," Alastor boomed with an enormous grin, "But it was me! Dio!"

**Author's Note:**

> I accidentally stumbled on some wacky photos while copy-pasting Charlie's dialogue. People are really creative with their torture methods! I am scarred for life! Haha.


End file.
